In honor of National NF Awareness Month, I will try to blog about my close and personal experiences living with NF. To some, My living with NF is not a big deal and most would treat me like a imperfectly normal person, as their way of accepting me and my neurofibromas. As for everyone else, all I can say is ITS THEIR PROBLEM if they cannot handle the view of the neurofibromas on my skin, usually arms,neck and face. Through the years, I had to accept it too and have learned to humble myself and keep smiling. The truth? as weird as it sounds, I actually like the random people asking,instead of assuming. What gets me through the negative and the judgmental eyes, is JESUS. Jesus went through it first, which is my strength to embrace his Masterpiece as I am.
This was actually the photo chosen by my friend the photographer, Marie, For her Art show back late October/November 2011.
ANYWAYS, I can explain to you how much I would love to live life without NF. Yes. I do have my moments,where I can cry all I want and scream at God, “WHY ME?!?” But honestly, I believe that I have grown to like the neurofibromas all over my body, that I would feel utterly and completely naked without it. Honestly, it would be so WEIRD. Even deeper truth, my insecurity levels would probably be more worse without (the neurofibromas) than with it. You know what I mean? For reals. The past 17 years of my life I go through this vicious roller coaster of emotions in my mind over and over again-(most of the time, negative emotions) of coping with people and their critical eyes against me has opened my eyes to realize I DO NOT want to be like everyone else as in the norm. I think its boring to like “everyone else” . AMEN!! PRAISE THE LORD! seriously. why blend in, when I was meant to stick out? Never in my whole life where I can wholeheartedly admit to you, I like being different. It has always made me feel special, if not to the human world, at least, in God’s eyes. Beautiful and at that,unique.
I have no idea what my family or friends see in the photo. (it has utter moment of groteque-ness) obviously. I am not afraid to reveal myself the way I did in these photos. but I do see it the way God and as the photographer SEES me . that’s what matters. And if you were to ask me, what would life be without NF for 24 hours.
PHOTOGRAPHY CREDIT by: Marie A. Padilla ©10/31/2011